C/C this please guys? (Re-done version of what was posted yesterday)?

Sounds great! I would definitely read more. I thought your description was good but I think you need a teensy-weensy bit more in between the dialogue. Describe changes in the environment, character actions, etc. If there isn't much of this at parts, than make some! Droning dialogue is boring and can lead readers to turn away. You did pretty good with a few mini-paragraphs in between but you need a little bit more to break it up.